The Rabbit Samurai: A Tundra Prequel
by Ek01
Summary: (Original story) The incredible origin story of Jiro Bunimoto, and his endless love for one of the Emperor's handmaidens.
1. Purorōgu

Long ago, in an ancient land of

the far east...

The sun rises over the province of Ninjin-shū. Everything is calm

and peaceful. In the distance, atop a tall hill, near two giant Hare statues, sits a somewhat elderly rabbit playing a shamisen. He

gazes at the field of bamboo ahead, and chuckles. For within the field, lies an unstoppable force of a hare.

"My name, is Jiro."

Something races through the fields.

Upon closer inspection, this is, in fact, a young hare.

Clad in just a pair of pants, his calloused paws wrapped in bandages, this hare chops down a good thirty to forty branches with simply his roundhouse kicks and punches.

"I was born the second child of my 39 brothers. Though I was the second eldest, I learned self-defense so as to protect myself."

The hare grabs some bamboo sprouts, and with a swift paw he digs a hole, places them in, and covers the dirt around them. Next, he grabs a bucket, and gives it a kick into the air like a football.

"We fought over everything."

Water pours over the plants, soaking them completely. The hare, now sweating, grabs the bamboo he chopped down, and binds it into one load.

"JIIIIIIRO!" Calls the elderly hare. "Are you finished chopping?"

"We fought over who was the strongest, our toys, our dinner, our beds, even over which one of us fought best!"

Jiro heaved the load onto his back.

"YES GRANDFATHER NOUSAGI!" He responded.

Jiro started to run up the hill to his family's home. Sanban, his brother, was still in the fields.

"...But not tonight. Tonight, is the Obon Festival, and I, will finally get what I want in life.."

Gazing out at the festivities, Jiro was not interested in the parades nor dancing, not even the mochi or (no-fish) sushi. Sitting atop their

golden thrones, were the Emperor

Rakkīusagi no-ashi and his lovely wife (through an arranged marriage, as per custom) Empress Kim Li-Jei, who came to visit from the Grand Capital of the Hareanese Kingdom.

Surrounding them, were various handmaidens in beautiful matching outfits. One such handmaiden did not wear the pink and white kimono, instead, she wore a lovely yukata, and looked significantly more beautiful than the others. Her straight raven hair flowed from her face, peach blush lightly dusting her cheeks.

"What I want most, is her..."


	2. 皇帝の暗殺 (Kōtei no ansatsu)

/

"There is a rumor that bandits are afoot..." said the beautiful rabbit, as

she adjusted her obi and smoothed out her blue kimono. "I do not know if we should be out like this, Hanako-chan."

"Do not worry, Ai-chan. It is only a rumor." Responded Hanako. She gestured to an enormous, golden statue of a rabbit positioned like a maneki-neko. "Besides, the Great Usagi shall protect us."

Ai smiled. Hopefully Hanako was right.

/

When the dancers had finished dancing, the Grand Emperor stood up from his throne, preparing to give a speech to the townsfolk. The Emperor was yes, quite elderly, already sporting a long, white beard, but still very dignified. He cleared his throat, and addressed his subjects;

"GREETINGS, my peoples of Ninjin-shū. Firstly, I must say what a marvelous celebration you have arranged. It must have taken a

tremendous amount of teamwork to pull off a spectacle like that opera or the fireworks show. And teamwork, as you all know, is a

very important virtue to have.

Why, nations are not built on one

man alone, but by the assistance of

MANY!"

As the wise Emperor continued to speak, one of the handmaidens

moved suspiciously closer, her hand in her robe as though she carried a weapon. Jiro closely watched as she moved.

"...And furthermore, I can personally guarantee that no enemy will overtake us--thanks to our

samurai warriors led by my good

friend General Yojimbo!"

"HOO-RA!!!" Exclaimed a muscular rabbit.

"HOO-RA!!!!!" All the samurai replied.

"Yes sir," the Emperor continued. "I have surveyed our defenses a

number of times, and I can guarantee that absolutely nothing

will befall our little kin-"

Sharp, silver claws dug through the skin of the Emperor, impaling him.

"DAAAGH!!!"Streams of blood spouted from the marks these steel

claws had made. Rakkīusagi no-ashi fell to the ground, clearly dead.

A gasp, then hush fell over the crowds of rabbits.

Above the clouds, millions of giant ships emerged from the clouds. From these ships, dozens of ropes

came down, carrying millions of muscular, tough pirates!

"This is my chance!" Exclaimed Jiro.

He jumped within the millions of rabbits, dodging blasts of debris. Jiro saw the handmaiden of his attraction, only the handmaiden that impaled the Emperor lay in front of him. The handmaiden

removed her robes, and an even greater gasp emanated from Jiro. This "handmaiden", was not a rabbit, but a tall, multi-colored mi-ke cat, with green, almond eyes, clad in a red bra, a large, feathered pirate's hat, and black pants. On her paws, were two sets of extremely sharp, steel false-

claws.

She gave a sharp-fanged smirk, then spoke;

"Hello...do you want her, pretty boy?"

Jiro growled, grabbing one of his shruikens.

"Well YOU CAN'T GET HER!! IM' KONEKO, CAPTAIN OF THE SUKAIKIRĀ, AND IM' TAKING THESE VIRGIN WOMEN WITH ME TO APPEASE THE GODS!!" The cat zoomed up the rope, holding Ai in her paws.

Millions of other pirates emerged on ropes and grabbed the handmaidens, pulling them into the clouds.

"The Grand Mononoke, Obake Kitsune, sends her regards..." said the cat, snarling.

Jiro was terrified.

He had to find someone to help him.

The next day, his father set him up with the oracle of the town, and off little Jiro Bunimoto went.

Eventually, he came upon an old

building with three or so people lined up. Jiro joined the queue, and after a while, it was his turn. An elderly, female tanuki wearing a green yukata came out from behind a curtain of beads. She was blind, her milky-white eyes were not concealed by the folds of her skin.

"I am the oracle: Matsuda, Chizuko." Spoke the tanuki. "May the one who has come for me

present himself at once."

Jiro, reluctantly bought himself foreword. The tanuki extended a paw, and placed it on the rabbit's

forehead. Jiro closed his eyes

and felt very light-headed all of a

sudden, his thoughts warping

all about. Then, all this stopped when Chizuko removed her paw.

"Ah yes. You have been playing the mājang for an unobtainable prize." Chizuko sighed.

"What do you mean?" Asked Jiro.

"...a regular rabbit, trying to save a beautiful woman of such high, imperial status. You can still save her, but in order to do so, you must increase your caste from ordinary, into extraordinary. You...Bunimoto, Jiro, must become the greatest samurai in all Ninjin-shū to stop these sky-pirates. I know that seems selfish, but sometimes one must be that way in order to do the impossible."

\--

Later, after saying good-bye to his grandparents and other family, Jiro

left his home. He did not tell them

why, however. Jiro, along with many other male rabbits, was sent to board a large ship to an island

where they would begin their training. As the ship sailed away, a woman clad in the clothes a regular

townsperson wore approached, carrying a lantern. She adjusted her

straw hat, revealing herself to be Chizuko.

"Good-luck, Jiro, my boy." She silently whispered.


	3. 47 (bunny) RONIN

The next day, Jiro awoke, yawning and looking around. He found

himself in a tent, huddled up with thousands upon thousand of rabbits lying in piles. How he got there, he did not know, but it was going to be weird.

Just then, that muscular rabbit from the Obon showed up, strutting in with all his ego. He grabbed a rice-paper megaphone, and shouted; "WELCOME TO SAMURAI BOOT CAMP, YA MAGGOTS!! NAME'S GENERAL YOJIMBO, BUT YOU LOSERS CAN JUST SAY, "YO! JIMBO!""

General "Jimbo" proceeded to give everyone insults and yell in their faces, like every other army general. When he got to Jiro, he laughed.

"AND YOU, SHORTY!" He yelled. "YOU LOOK LIKE THE WEAKEST JOE WE GOT! IF YOU WERE TO QUIT BY LATER THIS AFTERNOON,

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED AT

ALL!!!"

General Yojimbo spat at Jiro's hind paws. He laughed, and walked away.

\--

Later that day, after everyone had gotten their belongings set up in their tents, Yojimbo called everyone out for training.

"ALLLL RIGHT, YOUU WORMS!" The general exclaimed. "FALL IN LINE! TODAY, YOU WILL BEGIN YOUR FIRST DAY OF TRAINING BY GOING THROUGH THIS SAMURAI OBSTACLE COURSE!"

Yojimbo gestured to a huge field full of axes, dropping platforms, electricity-powered spears, enormous, swinging rocks attached to poles and more.

Jiro gulped.

"NOW GO!!" Yojimbo barked.

As every rabbit zoomed and easily breezed through the obstacle

course, Jiro was left in the dust. Yes, he had some martial arts skills, but he was extremely skinny and low in muscle mass.

Despite this, Jiro easily managed to get through the traps that would crunch him in an instant, and he did pretty well with the flaming hoops, but then, he encountered the third trap...

The third trap, was a great abyss into a pit of mud and thorns the rabbits had to cross in a single bound. Jiro stared out at the hole, then ran back. He got just enough momentum and practically threw himself across...

...but he didn't make it.

"...AAAAAAUUUUUGH!!!!"

(*CRUNCH!*)

\--

Everything was black throughout Jiro's vision.

His eyes slowly opened to a calm, soothing atmosphere, and the black faded to a nice, creamy, warm, white background. Oddly, something poked every part of his body, like he'd been shot with numerous arrows.

Suddenly, he quickly awoke and found himself lying on a bed, covered in needles! He attempted to look around (it was hard with all those needles in his fur), until he saw something tall, black, and white.

Upon closer inspection, this was a large bear. The bear carried needles, and appeared to be a doctor, as he was examining a

medical book. He turned to Jiro.

"Oh, you are awake." He said.

"W-Who are you?" Asked Jiro.

"I am Zhìyù-zhě." Spoke the bear. "I

am the doctor here." Zhìyù took a

needle and wedged it into Jiro's back.

The little rabbit flinched, but tried to hold back the pain.

"That was quite a fall you took

yesterday.." said Zhìyù, examining another needle.

"Yes...I suppose..." said Jiro, averting his gaze from the needle. "...say, you're not from here, are you?"

"Indeed not. The land I come from

has more of my kind, and more bamboo fields than anyone can count. I came here, for I am a refugee."

"So, your land is under war?" Asked

Jiro.

"It was the great demon fox which plunged our once-rich lands into

travesty..." the bear raised a fisted paw.

"Oh my!" Exclaimed Jiro. He stood up, some needles popping off his body. "The Obake Kitsune! That's exactly what I'm trying to fight!"

Jiro stood up, despite the pain of the needles.

"You've got to let me out there!" He

said.

"Oh, I don't know.." the bear replied. "You did have a few slight

concussions and--"

Zhìyù glanced, but Jiro was gone.

\--

"997...998...999...1000!!" Exclaimed Yojimbo.

Almost every soldier fainted.

"That's what you get for bein'

losers!" Exclaimed Yojimbo. "Now LET'S DO IT AGAIN, BUT 2000 THIS TIME!!!"

Suddenly, Jiro showed up, shirtless and sweating.

"WELL!!" Laughed Yojimbo. "YOU'RE ACTUALLY BACK!!"

Everyone laughed at the rabbit. Jiro did not become offended, for that would contradict the bushido way.

"Well let's see.." said Yojimbo. "IF I KNOW YOU AIN'T A WIMP, WIMP, YOU GOTTA BEAT UP THIS GUY OVER HERE!"

The loud-mouthed General gestured over to a tall dummy composed of mostly straw and burlap. Jiro's eye twitched. Surely this was a joke.

Nevertheless, he leaped into the air and karate-chopped the dummy to the ground. Next he threw a few punches.

山突き

Yama zuki.

(Mountain punch)

きざみ ずき

Kizami zuki.

(Reverse punch)

まわし げり

Mawashi Geri

(Roundhouse kick)

And finally, a nice, powerful shoryūken and the dummy was reduced to hay and fabric scraps.

"Well I'LL BE DAMNED!" Exclaimed Yojimbo. "WHAT'S YO NAME, BOY?!"

Jiro spat out some hay and shook his body so as to remove the dry grass.

"My name is ...Bunimoto, Jiro." He introduced. "...and I am not a wimp."

\--

Later that day, Jiro actually did pretty well with his training. Perhaps it was the acupuncture needles, or his immense love, but he blazed through the training area and won fifteen to one times against his sparing partner.

Even General Yojimbo was impressed when Jiro delivered a sharp kick to his crotch.

"Damn, son." He said. "You would make a great general."

\--

Soon, a gong rang for lunchtime. Jiro proudly awaited in the mess hall with a few friends he'd made. Shiroi and Genbugan were their names.

A black-furred rabbit came down the halls, carrying thousands upon thousands of bowls and pushing a cart filled with steaming, white rice and carrots. Every now and then, he would stop at a rabbit, grab some a bowl with food, throw it at the soldier and demand; "Eat!".When the rabbit came to Jiro and his friends, he didn't even bother

saying "eat!".

But Jiro grabbed his chopsticks and ate his lunch heartily, knowing he would become stronger. Eventually, Jiro noticed he was developing muscle mass and becoming stronger! Even General Yojimbo was impressed with the lad.

One day, Yojimbo called him in.

"Jiro, boy.." he said. "When I first yelled at ya I thought you were nothin' more than a noodle-armed, bubble-headed, big eared, bucktoothed flat-footed cotton-tailed sassafras bunny-bumpkins!" Jiro raised an eyebrow.

"...But man!! Was I wrong or what?!" Exclaimed Yojimbo.

The tall, muscular rabbit then handed him a long box. Jiro opened it, and inside was a long, metal samurai sword. This sword was clearly meant for ronins, as indicated by the gold hilt and iron blade.

"Have this. You, son, are now a ronin. Tomorrow, you'll lead half the

men to VICTORY!!!!"


	4. 旅 Tabi

"Okay, everyone.." said Jiro, the next day.

Half the men were gathered, despite how tired they were.

"We are about embark on a journey to kill a fox demon, free the virgins, and, well save the world. It will be dangerous, it will be rewarding, but if we die, we die with honor to the Great Usagi. Are there any questions?"

Literally everyone blankly stared at him. A small voice in the distance said;

"Uh, is there a vegetarian option on the food supplies?"

Jiro face palmed.

"Well what do you think?!" He yelled

back. "WE. ARE. RABBITS!!"

"...oh, right." Said the voice.

"OKAY!!" Exclaimed Jiro. He

unsheathed his sword and proudly

yelled; "FOREWAAAAARRRD, MARCH!!!!"

And off they went, over the Yamasaki mountains, across the Toho pass, and wading through the

Miyazaki river. As the warriors were crossing the river, one of the ronin

slipped and fell.

"Go on without me!" Said the ronin.

"No!" Said Jiro. "A warrior never leaves a man behind!" Jiro lifted

up the ronin and carried him to the next resting point.

/

"Itadakimatsu."

Later that evening, the warriors constructed a campsite and feasted on carrot dumplings while Genbugan retold the beloved story of Momotarō.

Despite the good times, Jiro was troubled by what was to come, and if he would really save his lost love.

That night, he had a strange dream. Fox obake surrounded him, little, blue wispy things with white eyes.

Suddenly, the largest fox obake emerged, devouring the land. She had wide, soulless eyes with flaming eyelashes, and clouds of thunder formed with her every step.

They were all being summoned at the ring of a gong, specifically one

that had "beckoner" written on it in Hareanese.

"No!" Said Jiro. "Stop this!"

But the obake sneered and laughed at Jiro as she ate his love.

/

Morning arose, and after a breakfast of vegetable ramen and lettuce, Jiro led his men once more.

Jiro and his troops

were then led up the highest

mountain. When they reached the top, they looked around...

Snow covered everything, and a great blizzard whipped through the land.

"We have to turn back, sir!" Exclaimed a member.

"No." Said Jiro. "I follow the will of myself and of the Great Usagi. We

must head down the mountain."

The troops reluctantly agreed.

Suddenly, an avalanche

occurred, sending all the army down the hill, until they reached the bottom, covered in snow. Jiro and his men shook themselves until they were free of snow flurries. They looked around, once more. Strangely, it was warm at the bottom. Plants grew all around, from bonsai to sakura trees.

The army walked some more, until they came across a clearing. A beautiful garden of bamboo, sakura trees, with statues of the Grand Usagi and a calm, miniature waterfall surrounded a large house. The house was wide and colored

white. The roof was curved, to keep out the evil spirits (as was every house), and it appeared to be

abandoned; windows broken, the door barred up. One of the soldiers

gestured for Jiro to look at something. On the side of the house, was a banner that appeared to be relatively new.

"Geisha Harem."

One of the soldiers read from the banner. "No entry permitted."

"Look," said Jiro. At the bottom of the banner, was a symbol that looked awfully like the face of a cat; well, the face of Koneko.

"That must be where they are holding the handmaidens captive!" Said Jiro. "Quickly, we must go in and save them!"

"How will we get in?" Asked a soldier. "The cracked windows are too narrow and the door is bolted."

"Leave that to me..." said Jiro.

\--

The room was dark, the air dank and musky. Spider webs covered everything. It was absolutely silent, until...

(*KER-RACK!!*)

Jiro karate-kicked the door down.

"Wow." Said one soldier. "Impressive knock, sir."

"Thank you." Said Jiro. "Search the

area for survivors, men." He instructed.

Everyone searched.

Meanwhile, Jiro found a door that strangely had light emanating from it. He unlocked it, slowly, and walked inside the room...Inside the room, were hundreds of cages. Within those cages, were all the handmaidens!

They were bored, doing things like calligraphy, playing a koto, or just looking at the walls and marking down the days they had been taken captive. Suddenly, Hanako, the rabbit from the Obon noticed Jiro. She gasped.

"SAKES ALIVE, A MAN!!" Exclaimed Hanako.

Jiro's other men appeared. The handmaidens squealed with delight.

"OH, EM, GEE, MORE MEN!!" Exclaimed a handmaiden.

"We must DANCE for them!" Exclaimed another handmaiden.

Hanako winked, she looked at her

friends.

"Just like how we rehearsed, ladies!" Exclaimed Hanako.

The rabbits moved back, flipping the lights off and forming a colored spotlight with a mirror and pink crystal. A handmaiden threw cherry blossom petals into the air, and a line of four rabbits formed, striking sexy poses.

A gong rang.

Four handmaiden rabbits started playing a shamisen, koto, and erhu, but (to the modern reader) they sounded an awful lot like a pop band.

The four rabbits were now carrying fans. They separated their fans as though a part of a chorus line, revealing a super ugly female rabbit with bodacious hips and a lopsided hairdo. She carried a teapot, and struck a pose, making a kissy face.

The men were weirded out, but they decided to watch anyhow..

"Don't cha wish

your girlfriend

was hot like

me?" sang the ugly rabbit. The others joined in.

"Don't cha wish

your girlfriend

was a freak like

me?

Don't cha?

Don't cha?

Don't cha wish

your girlfriend

was raw like me?

Don't cha wish

your girlfriend

was fun like me?

Don't cha?

Don't cha?"

Two geishas swung on cages, unlocking them and dancing upon their obis. An incredibly hot geisha eyed a soldier with his jaw slack and stuffed a (no-fish) sushi roll in his mouth, next grabbing soy sauce and spritzing it in his mouth with her fingers.

"Fight the

feeling

(fight the feeling)

Leave it alone

(leave it alone)

'Cause if it ain't

love

It just ain't enough

to leave my happy

home

Let's keep it

friendly

(let's keep it

friendly)

You have to play

fair

(you have to play

fair)

See I don't care

But I know she

ain't gonna wanna

share"

Suddenly, a handmaiden ripped her clothes off and started having sex with a soldier right in front of everyone!

"RIDE ME BABYYYY!!" She exclaimed.

"Don't cha wish

your girlfriend

was hot like me?

Don't cha wish

your girlfriend

was a freak like

me?

(like me)

Don't cha?

Don't cha baby?

Don't cha

Alright, sing

Don't cha wish

your girlfriend

was raw like me? Raw)"

The ugly geisha growled lustily at Jiro, stripping her clothes off to reveal a very thin thong that did little to hide her giant butt. She tossed some pink glitter into the air, hoping someone would be attracted to her.

One of the soldiers vomited.

"Don't cha wish

your girlfriend

was fun like me?

(Big fun)

Don't cha?"

At the "big fun" part, a very fat geisha rabbit leaped off her cage landed on a very thin soldier,

crushing him. The handmaidens

applauded, and exited with the soldiers.

Jiro, however, looked for his loved one. Just then, she appeared, and

approached him.

"You saved me.." she said, in a voice like a whisper.

"Bunimoto, Jiro.." Jiro stood on one

knee, introducing himself. He politely extended a hand, and helped his beloved exit the cage.

"Jiro..." she said. "That's a lovely name. I, am Musashi, Ai."

"I was leading this expedition to rescue you..." Jiro paused. "...Because you are one worth fighting for."

The handmaiden smiled.

"Never have I met a man as handsome and selfless as you...a man who would risk his life for a

simple handmaiden.."

The eyes Jiro and Ai interlocked.

"Aishiteru...Ai."

"Aishiteru, Jiro-san."


	5. 子猫のガンビット Koneko no gambitto

Just as our heroes were so victoriously escaping, a gong alarm rang out.

(*BOOOONNNNG!!!*) it went, and our heroes knew they had to get out of the clearing, and FAST!!

"Everyone, RUN!!" Exclaimed Jiro.

Everyone obeyed.

As they ran, thousands of tough

animal pirates swung down on ropes from the clouds, to attack Jiro and his company. Jiro was the first to fight. He unsheathed his

sword, and took out a crocodile with a simple judo hold, and kicked it into the nuts. He was relatively surprised when Ai started kicking butt alongside his men!

"I am skilled in fighting as well.." she smiled.

Jiro picked up Ai just as a large hippopotamus lunged at the two,

Ai kicked it in the face, breaking one

of her getā.

"I can see that." Said Jiro. He smiled as well.

The two continued to fight, practically dancing in perfect synchronization. A tiger tried to punch Jiro as he dipped Ai, then raised his index finger (so as

to say "wait!"). The two shared a

passionate kiss, then Jiro's friends

beat up the tiger from behind, while the fight went on.

In the distance, a large, ominous shadow could be seen from within the wispy clouds forming.

A bunch of random animals dressed in pirate clothing (feathered hats, hand hooks, swords, eyepatches, the like) emerged from the sky on ropes. Jiro unsheathed his sword yet again, and dueled with a lion. Ai took on a rhinoceros with enormous maces attached to his arms with chains. They fought and fought, but alas, the pirates were victorious.

"WE'RE VICTORIOUS!" Exclaimed a honey badger as he and the others picked up a rabbit and carried them into the sky, tied up.


	6. 巨 大なキツネ Kyodaina kitsune

Jiro and company awoke. They looked around, and were greeted by

five, buff rhinoceroses. Atop the head of one of the rhinos, stood

Koneko. The cat was wearing her

same outfit from the day they unfortunately met, but her expression was not as kosher.

"Greetings, Rabbit." She spat in his face. "And your friends.."

Koneko was placed onto the ship by the lead rhino. She walked around.

"For years, I have observed your little Hareanese Kingdom...I have felt great resent, for you are far more technologically advanced and rich than my people could EVER BE!!! I do not actually have a people, for I was abandoned by my nomad parents many moons ago. I tried to get myself schooled with you hares, but you rejected me again and again and again!! One day, as punishment, they even took off my claws and replaced them with this horrid hunk of metal!! Then, I was taken in by Commandant Javan." She gestured to a rhinoceros. "He gave me a real life--adventure and plundered riches beyond all I could imagine. But I still contain the seeds of resent within me. You took my life and claws away, you long-eared WORMS...and now I will take life from you, by destroying YOUR PRECIOUS EMPIRE, starting with THESE!!!"

Koneko flung her sword at the handmaidens, and pinned one to a wall by her kimono.

"What are you going to do to the women, you SCUM?!" Exclaimed Jiro.

"Don't you recall?!" Said Koneko. "These, are VIRGIN WOMEN!!"

"Um, I'm not exactly.." said the geisha that had sex with a soldier.

"QUIET!!!" Exclaimed Koneko.

She grabbed a mallet, and rang a large gong.Jiro's eyes widened, for he knew that this was the Kitsune

Beckoner!

"And gods love virgins..."

Great clouds of ash started to form on the mountaintop. Everyone looked on in surprise and terror, as

thousands of blue, clear, wispy

objects emerged from the ash. The

wisp-things slowly started to form shapes, more specifically FOX

shapes with big, soulless eyes.They were Kitsune yokai, and these were what Jiro had dreamed about--it was horrifyingly coming to reality.

The Kitsune yokai appeared to be headed towards a great city. Before Jiro could stop them, the largest

ghost emerged. This wasn't a yokai;

it was their leader--the Grand

Mononoke Obake Kitsune!!

"...AH...HAAA...HAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

The mighty she-demon laughed.

Koneko bowed.

"KONEKO, MY APPRENTICE!!" The Kitsune boomed. "IT IS SOOOO WONDERFUL TO MAKE YOUR

ACQUAINTANCE, FACE TO FACE, THOUGH I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU--YOU ARE FAAAAR BEAUTIFUL THAN I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!!"

Jiro scowled at the fox. It was typical of their species to gloat and be sly.

"For many moons," said the Kitsune. "I have been imprisoned by the warriors of the Emperor within the

bowels of the earth, starving for souls, hungry for more...while you RRRABBITS have grown fat on the vegetation and splendor of the land, crafting advanced empires of

GOLD!! Now, those warriors are dead, their precious ruler

assassinated, and at last I am FREEED from this stupid dirt clod

you all call HOME!!"

Koneko purred as the fox approached her and petted her head.

"And now rRRRABBITS!!" Said The Obake Kitsune.

"YOU!"

"WILL!"

"GO TO HELLLLLL!!!"

The foxes began the destruction. Houses were wrecked, mountains were obliterated, and souls were eaten. The Obake Kitsune floated through the city, black clouds of thunder forming wherever she put

her paws. Along with her ghostly

minions, she indeed looked very

frightening.

"IT'S...IT'S GOJĪRA!!" Exclaimed a

citizen.

"NO IT'S NOT!" Replied another.

"THEN WHY IS IT WRECKING THE VILLAGE?!" Replied the citizen. "JUST!RUUUUUUNN!!!"

"HAAAA...HAAA...HAAA!!!" Laughed the Obake Kitsune as she sucked the souls of those citizens as her first meal in eons.

Jiro broke loose from his bonds,

and so did the others. Koneko lunged at him with a loud "MRRRREEEEOWWW!!!", her claws bared.

He held up his sword at just the right angle, causing a small beam of light to appear on the ship's floor.

Koneko's eyes widened. She tried to place her paws on the light beam,

but she could never really get it.

"I...WILL END YOU!!" She yelled.

The rabbits and her rhino minions laughed. Jiro grabbed her when

she wasn't looking, and using a hemp rope, tied the cat up in her own face claws. Next, he positioned her over the ship's edge, holding her down.

"Go ahead, toss me to them!" She taunted. "I'll only make her more powerful!"

Jiro had a plan, but he would have to act fast. He grabbed Koneko and clambered up the mast of the ship, the cat fighting to break loose. Grabbing a rope, he swung across, and threw Koneko away from the direction of the village.

"I'LL KILL YOU BUNIMOTOOOOOOO!!!!!" Exclaimed Koneko as she fell.

The Obake Kitsune licked her giant lips and dived after her, but was stopped as Jiro swung onto her back. Once Jiro had a good grip on the Obake Kitsune, he started to climb closer to the mouth, his sword in his teeth.

"What's this?" Asked the Obake Kitsune. "A little

punk coming to slaughter me?! HAA!! NOT A CHANCE!!"

The Obake Kitsune grabbed Jiro by his kimono, ripping the top portion to shreds. She positioned him over her mouth, and proceeded to swallow him. But Jiro would not be swallowed. He grabbed his sword, and started hacking at the fox, black blood coming from the wounds.

"HHHHAUGH!!!" He screamed as he tried to kill the fox demon.

Jiro was thankful that Koneko had at least served SOME purpose--the cat was just what Jiro needed to distract the giant fox (she was not a virgin, however).

Unfortunately for Koneko, the fall had killed her. Jiro boldly stood at the top of the mouth of the Obake Kitsune.

"HAAA!!" Exclaimed the Kitsune, and Jiro slid into her mouth!

Within the mouth, Jiro fought and

fought for his very life. He struggled to get out of the throat, but the

muscles of the fox demon were far too strong (she had devoured many a soul), and he was having a hard time staying alive; kimono practically shredded and soaked in blood and salivation. It was no use--he would have to be eaten. Jiro closed his eyes and calmly breathed. Jiro was swallowed. Down, down he went through the great she-demon's throat, until he reached the beast's stomach. He looked around. This was such an awful place to die, for the stomach of a spirit was dark and smelled disgusting from all the dead souls she'd eaten. Jiro walked closer

and gazed through the clear stomach lining--Jiro's friends were still out there, fighting for their very lives, which hung in balance. Jiro then attempted to get out...He scaled the stomach lining...He tried using his sword--not very effective. He tried running in order to gain enough momentum so as to jump into the esophagus, but it was no use--the Obake Kitsune suffered slight discomfort.

(*"BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRPPPPP!!!!!!!!*)

The most un-goddess-like belch came from the bowels of the Obake Kitsune.

"Pardon.." she said, embarrassed.

———

Jiro stepped back, defeated. There

was no way out, and the gastric acid was staring to form. Jiro knew that he would have to do something absolutely forbidden to the Samurai code, but he had to...

The rabbit felt as though he needed

to commit seppuku, which in his language, translates to belly-cutting.

Seppuku, Jiro knew, was a very dangerous and serious thing. As the Obake was about to swallow him, he raised his sword over his stomach and prepared to do the

dirty deed. In order to make

the digestion process quick, this

would have to do.

"At least I will die..." Jiro paused, tears coming from the sides of his eyes. "I will die knowing..."

Samurai weren't supposed to show emotion. They were tough, strong, charismatic, and wise.

But Jiro weeped silently, and with a

broken voice, said;

"...at least I'll...I'll die knowing my...my loved one is s-s-safe."

Steel met flesh, spraying blood all over his kimono.

"...NO!!!!"

A voice rang out as he died in the demon-fox's throat, covered in a

pool of gastric acid.

\--

\--

\--

All was silent. The Obake Kitsune laughed, maliciously. Whatever remained of her yokai minions laughed as well.

"...FOOOOOLLLLISH SAMURAI WARRIOR!!!" It yelled. "Try as you might, but you can never destroy the ALMIGHTY predators that are the KITSUUUUUUUUUUNE!!!!! AAAA HAAA HAAAA!!!!!!"

Suddenly, from within the throat of the fox, something glowed white. The Grand Mononoke stopped her

boasting, and stared at the strange thing from within. Just then, a shadow could be seen, trying to burst out. It held something rather pointed, and a muffled yell could be heard.

"YOU ARE RIGHT!!!"

"What is that?" The Obake pondered.

"SHIKAT-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."

Jiro BURST through the throats of the Obake Kitsune, leaving a gaping hole in her throat, and everyone stunned.

"...AAAAAAAAAA GA NAIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jiro landed on the ground, perfectly.

"HOLY--" Exclaimed Yojimbo.

"How di-" said Ai.

"YEAH!" Exclaimed Jiro's friends.

The handmaidens swooned. Then, Jiro looked around. He grasped his sword, which now glowed a light pink color. When he swished it, cherry blossoms formed with every swipe, and the demons disappeared in blue smoke. Where they stood originally, sakura trees were in their place, a testament to the love and goodness in Jiro's heart.

"NO!!" Exclaimed the Obake Kitsune, eyes becoming white, voice distorting, chunky, black blood flowing from her throat wound. "THIS IS NOT...POSSIBLE!!!"

The giant fox tossed about, then sneered at Jiro.

"YOU BEAN SPROUT, YOU ARE NO SAMURAIIIIII!!!!" The Obake Kitsune

howled, then was slowly turned into a patch of spring grass, which spread throughout the formerly cold

land.

"On the contrary.." said Jiro. "I am." He kissed Ai once again.

"The best samurai I've ever seen." Ai replied.

"Ai?" Said Jiro.

"Yes?" She replied.

"I wanted to be a samurai, because of you." He spoke.

"What?" Asked Ai. "Why me?"

"You are so beautiful, and I always wanted someone to love, someone who could love me back as well...it's not easy being the second child out of a literal family of thousands..." said Jiro. "At the Obon, I saw you. I loved you...when Koneko took you away, there was a gaping hole within my heart...I had to save you...and I died for you..."

"Thank you so much, Jiro-san." Said Ai.

"But who has brought me to life?" Asked Jiro. "I committed Seppuku in the she-demon!"

"It is I who has revived you." Said a

voice.

Jiro looked. A yokai fox transformed until it took the form of a tanuki,

more specifically Chizuko.

"You're a..." Jiro started. "You're one of THEM?!"

"I am not an Obake Kitsune." Said Chizuko. "I am a Bake-danuki, a tanuki ghost that helps those in need."

"But how?" Asked Jiro.

"...I have...magic balls." Said Chizuko, smiling.

"...baoding balls?" Asked General Yojimbo.

"Not like that.." Chizuko sniggered.

"Oooooohhhh!!!" Exclaimed Yojimbo. "Wait, I thought you were a woman!"

"Never mind that!" Chizuko waved her arms. "You have done well, Jiro, my son. I've been watching you all this time, and you have proven yourself to be the greatest samurai in all the East."

Jiro smiled as everyone, even those in the village bowed.

"Not only that.." said Chizuko. "The gods smile upon you, for you have found your match that they made for you. They know you would even die for her, although, please don't do suicide any more."

Jiro ran up to Chizuko, and hugged her, tightly.

"Thank you, my friend.." he said.

Jiro and Ai decided to stay in the village (it was close to the Tundra, and dubbed "Usagi Valley") and rebuild, with Jiro temporarily abandoning his samurai occupation to become the guardian of the village and lead a nice life with Ai, who he married but two months after.

But Jiro still would fight for his love any day of his life (and continue his samurai work), Ai would fight for him as well, and Chizuko still watches the happy couple, who are set to open a vegetarian restaurant.

They were never lonely again.


	7. エピローグ Epirōgu

/

"And that, Kimiko, my eldest," said Jiro. "Is how I met your mother...and saved the world."

Jiro's daughter smiles and hugs him.

"Thank you, father." Says Kimiko, adjusting her shiromuku.

"Go on," says Jiro. "He's ready for you.."

Kimiko glances at the altar, where a tall rabbit in traditional garb stands.

"We are all ready." Said Jiro. He smiled, and he and his daughter walked down the aisle, ready to start a new chapter in life; a new

adventure.

End.


End file.
